New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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