you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
