this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
