Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
