You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Randomize