:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
This is my gift to your gina
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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