I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
even my farts smell like vagina
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Randomize
