he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
its liver damage thursday
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
