did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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