at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
