I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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