my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Randomize
