you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
