I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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