I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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