tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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