I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
