he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
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