I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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