just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
