haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Randomize
