Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
