What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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