i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
