Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
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