girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Randomize
