im about as happy as oj after his trial
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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