bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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