I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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