I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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