Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
