fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
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