just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Randomize
