her vagine was all disorganized.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
