your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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