I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
