i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
