My sheets look like a crime scene.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Randomize
