He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
So vagazzling was a success
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
