Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
