I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
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