I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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