Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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