Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
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