Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
