Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
