drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize