My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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