I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize