He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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