it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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