I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
