Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
