i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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