You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
