why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
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