If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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