I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Randomize
