All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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