i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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