p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Randomize
