Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Randomize
