so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
