I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
please come you make the beer taste better
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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