advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
