We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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