singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
