I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Randomize
