all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
me + whiskey = a bad person
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Randomize
