No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
You ate ashes out of my bong
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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