grandma shit on top of the toilet
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
