I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize
