seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Randomize
