had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
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