everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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