who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
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