when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
