Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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